WELCOME

Tempo di lettura: 10 minuti

I’ve always loved that solitude that allows me to observe from the outside the world I live in: it’s solitude made of small things, observations, reflections, and fantasy. Exploring dynamics and people, the way relationships influence actions, the way stereotypes create the solid foundations of beliefs and rules that we often follow without asking ourselves too many questions, because we find ourselves in a vortex of words, noises, news, opinions to express, positions to take, “this and that” to share as soon as possible without asking ourselves for whom or what we are doing it for.

We talk about people rather than with people, we define their abilities, their value, their role in society, their skills, according to our yardstick of judgment, without starting from them but starting from us, even when we call ourselves deprived of prejudice, we use the dissertation on the lives of others to talk somehow about us, to place ourselves in a space and a time recognized and shared, as if otherwise our very existence had no value.
Just to mention some circumstances in which you probably have found yourself, and in which I have pretended to talk to someone else, like the wall, as long as I didn’t have to answer:

“I’m not homophobic, for me, everyone is free to be with whoever they want. But when two homosexuals kiss each other in the street, no way. Those dirty things you do at home, not in the middle of the street! I don’t do it in the middle of the street!”: kissing in the street is a dirty thing…or maybe you are homophobic and you don’t realize that you can’t hide it at all? And since you are homophobic, then two people of the same sex should not kiss in the street. Wanting to believe that you’re not homophobic, two people shouldn’t kiss on the street because you don’t. So there’s always you at the center of the argument.

“I absolutely respect everyone’s food choices. But when people tell me they are vegetarian or vegan, I become intolerant: in life, you need the right measure, you have to eat a bit of everything. I don’t eat a lot of meat, but I don’t understand anything at all”: well, if you don’t understand you can start by asking, and maybe you can explore the fantastic world of empathic listening; but if you don’t care, you can just mind your own fucking business and not deal with the subject at all, humanity will be grateful.

“I don’t have a problem with homosexual people, as long as they don’t bother me”: to this, however, I replied “why should they? Ah yes, you think that a man because he is gay goes around feeling asses and molesting other men at random…like you do with women. But has anyone told you that there is a reason why you should attract the attention of a man no matter what? Or a woman (but that’s another matter)?

We have at our disposal great resources that we often underestimate, to the point of losing sight of their use instead of using them to improve our lives and that of the entire world: I am not referring only to access to culture and knowledge, but also our senses, to the possibility of being in a relationship, of being able to move and explore. We take them for granted, when they are not at all, not for anyone in the world.
Sometimes I felt the need to leave for a while, because social networks, conversations with gossip as the only purpose, did not stimulate my curiosity, but rather fueled my anger towards fake news, the need to appear and not to be, the rampant intolerance and free venting of those who do not know what they do or say.
The fruit of the continuous exposure to the virtual relationship was the temporary suspension of the ability to look up or in front of me while I was walking down the street when I sat drinking coffee or anywhere with my dog. I felt the need to step away, and then continue to take advantage of social networks but with the awareness of someone who does not allow himself to be overwhelmed, someone who does not want to be reduced to walking the streets with his eyes fixed on nothing-as Fran Lebowitz would say- that is, on a smartphone.

GET A DOG (OR A CAT), BUT ALSO TWO!

This is what I can answer to those who ask me how we can regain the ability to observe the world around us and ourselves*: my dog has been my “rehab” from the world of perpetual chasing and jumping over obstacles.
His watchwords are “smell, observe, stop, scrutinize, leave a mark if you think it’s important and… now and then move on trusting your intuition, no need to explain, move on, maybe after you’ve peed on it. Take a nap, let out a sigh of satisfaction when you feel good”.

In general, I would suggest welcoming a pet into your life, and never underestimate its ability to make us better. But don’t welcome an animal into your life if you don’t think you can take the time to make your life, and his, better. Do not do this just because you want a companion for the offspring, and then leave him alone to howl at nothing for hours on end, including vacations and vacations, we do not deserve a pet if we are not willing to take care of it.

A pet will teach you many things, even how to select the people around you if you know how to listen to it and if it is part of your family.

It will be the best medicine when you are sick, the ideal company when you are happy. Don’t be afraid to show gratitude, affection, consideration, and spirit of adaptation towards your animal, those who will devalue all this will qualify themselves, not you: they will presumably be the people who, claiming to have understood everything about life – their own, yours, that of the whole universe – constantly live in the need to affirm themselves by disqualifying others, that is those I speak of above. No matter what image they have tried to build of themselves…it’s the details that bring the masks down, smell them, look them in the eye, and observe the non-verbal part of communication. The same people will always have lessons to teach, lessons that don’t involve empathic listening, but only rules of life starting with themselves. They live in a small world and have no intention of exploring others.

With my dog, I occasionally engage in imaginary conversations that make my limitations and weaknesses more acceptable through irony, and traumatic experiences worthy of being faced and overcome in the name of an unbreakable friendship that every day makes me see the world as I would never have imagined before.

 

And what are the words of wisdom we come across when a dog becomes part of our lives? Among the recurring and predictable ones we have:

“Even a child doesn’t get this much attention” – do I have to resort to terms of comparison? Does the fact that you don’t know empathy for an animal imply that someone else has too much of it? Is there some dark reason behind the use of this expression, or has someone made you believe that your opinions are indispensable in the lives of others?

“well, if you leave him alone and he cries…he will cry, is an animal” (followed by the ever-present air of condescension of those who have the gift of knowing everything in life): has it crossed your mind that I would rather be with my dog than leave him alone to be with you? Does it occur to you that there are also dog experts in the world, to whom people who need advice about their dog turn? Don’t feel bad, but I have to give you the sad news: you’re not one of them.

“Of course, they have a dog because they can’t have children”: the option that you don’t have children because you DON’T WANT them, is not contemplated, it doesn’t exist, don’t even mention it, for charity! Especially if you get a dog in the house … of course, it is a surrogate for a child, who are you kidding????
That’s it, if you decide to get a dog, be prepared for these hijinks: but it’s worth it, especially for a laugh!
In all my life, the choice of getting a dog has been the one that has most positively influenced my growth path, because it has made the journey more comfortable, the climbs pleasant, the creative and re-creative stops, and the choice of the company certainly stimulating.
Having a partner who lives life through senses that in everyday life we do not take into account, has finally allowed me to find complicity in what I have always considered a crucial part of my being in the world: the deep observation that brings into play all our senses, for me has always been crucial to fix memories, experiences, travel, faces, emotions.

Using every sense to bring with me an experience has more value than a photo: there are smells, flavors, bodily sensations, and others that do not have a name, details that I can remember decades later, even individual people I met on the street with whom I did not even have a verbal exchange, but in a specific frame have helped to give meaning to an experience, to fix the memory, to stimulate a reflection.
My niece often tells me “this thing smells of you auntie, but not of the perfume you use, just of you…I don’t know if you understand…each of us has a smell and I remember it!”. Of course, I understand her, it’s a manifestation of her ability to pay attention to unseen details, individuality, and uniqueness. My niece adores every single dog she crosses even though she doesn’t own one – how could it be any other way?

Lilith’s Eye is a look at the world through my eyes, which are contaminated with those of my dog, those of the people around me, and of the people who have left traces of stories in my life through memories. A look that wants to broaden its horizons to build new routes to the path of freedom to exist for what it is, through the descents to the depths of relationships illuminated by the thousand lights of empathy, curiosity, and the absence of boundaries. It is the continuous story of my experiences and those of anyone who wanted to share theirs with me, of those who would like to do so again, to get closer and discover how we build our vision of the world around us, starting from sitting in someplace to understand what this world arouses in us.

“Half of me is beautiful
but you were never sure which half.”
– Ruth Feldman, “Lilith”

I could not choose a better pseudonym than this, because Lilith today represents a symbol of female emancipation, but over the centuries has always been a controversial figure, half-demon, and half-human: sometimes described as dedicated to mating with demons, much more often as a figure who celebrates pagan rites in harmony with nature.
The Jewish tradition wants her antecedent to Eve, as the first wife of Adam, also created from dust and therefore not from the rib of the first man. Because of this, Lilith refused to lie under Adam, claiming equal rights. She rebelled against Adam, then rebelled against God: she was repudiated and expelled from Eden, or she left of her own accord. Different versions of the narrative about Lilith want her as a bride of demons, up to Lucifer himself, infanticide, and mother of demons. The different eras, religions, and traditions have assigned her characteristics, to define the women repudiated by their husbands as ” daughters of Lilith” because she represented the adulterous woman.

Today Lilith represents the figure of the woman who rejects the patriarchal system and every submission, in the name of self-determination. And like every woman who has shown revolutionary spirit and ability to question the patriarchal order, she has suffered the manipulation that has depicted her as a dangerous, wretched, bearer of evil events, sometimes she was a victim of what she thought were her sisters, but they were demons in disguise.
Here, going through my story and the people I met along the way, I didn’t have to think too much about it: my name is Lilith, and it is through her eyes that I have always seen the world, sometimes wondering if I was a demon, others if I was a woman if I was what I was convinced I was, or what others said about me.

As the saying goes

” a veces Angel, a veces Demonio, pero siempre Yo”.